Smithsonian employee accused of raping 2500-year old mummy

Washington, DC | A security guard of the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History was arrested this morning, for allegedly having sex with one of the mummies of the Egyptian exhibition. 44-year old James Monroe has worked as a night watchman for the reputed museum for the last nine years and was almost considered a model employee until his divorce two … Read more

Woman arrested for emasculating cheating husband with her teeth

St. Louis, Missouri | A 43-year-old woman was arrested this morning by the St. Louis Police Department after she tore off her husband’s genitals with her own teeth as an act of vengeance for an alleged infidelity. During her interrogation, Christina Palmer Anderson confessed that she had been planning her crime since she had surprised her husband performing oral sex … Read more

Man turns himself in to the FBI for killing Abraham Lincoln in 1865

Washington, D.C. | A man from Virginia turned himself in at the FBI headquarters this morning, claiming that he was guilty of killing more than 30 people, including the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln. 71-year-old Leroy Timothy Anderson, claims he worked for 35 years as a “time-traveling assassin” for a secret governmental agency and says he … Read more

Man on crystal meth kills 12 neighbors, thinking they’re zombies

Atlanta, Georgia | A 32-year-old man went on a killing frenzy last night, after spending 36 hours in a row watching Walking Dead while doing drugs. According to the police, Kevin Fogarty was so badly intoxicated with crystal meth that he became convinced his apartment was surrounded by zombies. He equipped himself with an assault rifle, two pistols, a machete … Read more

National Geographic cameraman arrested for raping a zebra

Pretoria| An employee of the famous National Geographic magazine was arrested this morning in South Africa, for sexually assaulting a zebra while working in the Kruger National Park. Mr Fitzgerald was shooting a documentary film on Burchell’s zebras along with two other National Geographic employees and five local guides, when he left the group to “get a closer … Read more

Fire damages CIA headquarters and reveals a gigantic drug lab

Langley, Virginia | A major explosion occurred last night at the headquarters of the Central Intelligence Agency, igniting a fire which almost completely destroyed an annex of the building and led to the discovery of a suspected drug lab. The detonation took place around 11:30 pm last night. The powerful blast was heard for miles around the complex and sent plumes … Read more